No list of awkward sex scenes would be complete without God of War making an appearance. Throw in some stilted animations and dead eyes and you'll have none of the arousal but all of the shame when a family member/significant other walks in on it. And that over-blown fantasy music swelling in the background just makes it all feel even more awkward. Sure, the tasteful fades are nice, but each time the screen comes back in, you and your partner are in a completely different position, like they're flipping through the Kama Sutra and working their way down the list a half-second at a time. OK, sure, you want to save on time, and only creating two sets of animations helps. The game basically just pastes in the party member you're currently boning. But sometimes, it feels like their romance subplots were bolted in because the development team collectively realized "Well, we're making a BioWare game, so you should be able to fuck somebody, right?" Dragon Age: Origins' sex scenes feel especially tacked on, mainly because there are two different sequences in total: one if you're playing as a man, the other if you're playing as a woman. Dragon Age: OriginsīioWare games are usually fantastic adventures. Hey, at least she went on an actual date this time.
Also, if you know the plot twist regarding Aiden's relationship to Jodie, that scene just got waaaaaaaay more awkward. And by 'sexy times', I mean 'look on as Ellen Page and Eric Winters dolls move their faces together until their lips touch'. Or you can, y'know just sit back and watch the sexy times unfold. During her date with the totally unremarkable Ryan Clayton, you can either use your spooooooooky powers to mess with her dinner (move plates, throw wine glasses, and other typical poltergeisty stuff). In Beyond: Two Souls, you don't just play as Jodie Holmes you also play as a ghost named Aiden (pronounced AYE-den - yeah, I know), who is attached to Jodie via some paranormal umbilical cord. While not nearly as graphic as the other two games (no one gets fully naked here), the premise behind the scene is is just as cringeworthy, as you're essentially a disembodied voyeur during the whole thing. No David Cage sexcapade is complete without mentioning Beyond: Two Souls. Both Ethan and Madison are in no psychological condition to be doing anything remotely romantic (nevermind the fact that they've basically just met), and yet, after a couple of choice dialog prompts, they're both making awkward 'O'-faces and hovering their virtual body parts over one another. Oh, let's not forget the shit reporter Madison Paige has had to deal with as well, considering the home-invasion-wait-it-was-all-a-dream and forced stripping she's had to do to get to this point. But sure, let's have a sex scene because EMOTIONS. He's physically falling apart at the seams after going through several Saw-style trials, and is acting like a complete psychopath. Ethan Mars has lost one son to a car accident already, the other's been kidnapped by the Origami Killer, and he's beginning to worry that he might be the culprit, like a doughy Tyler Durden. Heavy Rainĭavid Cage joint #2 checking in, showing just how tenuous a connection between two people can be before they make sweet, passionate, digital love. The fact that both characters look like animatronic puppets is actually the least disturbing thing about this whole set-up. There's no character development here at all and, oh yeah, CARLA IS HAVING SEX WITH THE UNDEAD. He finally meets up with Carla (the detective who's been tracking his every move) and they go from 'Hey, how ya doin'?' to banging out in an abandoned train car within a few minutes. No, that honor goes to the scene near the end, shortly after Lucas dies and gets resurrected. Awkward, but not even close to the worst scene in the game. The first involves Lucas getting back with his ex-girlfriend Tiffany - complete with an interactive serenade foreplay sequence and some shitty Nickelback wannabe playing mid-coitous. And Fahrenheit (or Indigo Prophecy, as it was called in North America) features not one, but two cringe-worthy sex scenes. As someone who thinks that 'cinematic' means a heavy dose of melodrama and some thin excuse to show two bodies rubbing against each other in the night, David Cage is gonna be on this list a few times.
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